Published in the Declaration of Arbroath Anthology

A Petition to Gulls

Dear Gulls,

                    We love to see you soar
above the sea, above the shore,
but please – stop eyeing up our chips!
We'd like for them to reach our lips
without you fluttering and swooping,
screeching, pecking, snatching, pooping …


Go away! Why should you steal
our suppers for an easy meal?
Tag behind a herring fleet
or pick some winkles. Use your feet
for swimming or to grip a cliff
instead of scaring kids as if
you had a right to grab ice creams
upon the wing, and haunt their dreams.


You may believe it lesser sin
to fish out litter from a bin
but when you make a sorry mess
across the street, you'll never guess
our cunning plans to deal with you.


One way would be – long overdue -
to bring our rubbish home with us
on bikes, in cars or on the bus
which means you'd have a proper diet
even if you made a fuss
or tried to instigate a riot.


We're not daunted by you fellers.

Ever yours,
                    All Coastal Dwellers